The Evil of Advertising

Disclaimer: I’m not a corporate raider-type. I’m not interested in
bringing down ‘the Man.’ Ralph Nader is not my hero. I do not read

That said, I have to write something about the 3 Musketeers I bought
this morning. Now, I love that candy bar; always have. But today was the
first time I noticed a blaring ad on the package: “45% Less Fat!” Now,
I’m no rocket scientist, or a nutritionist for that matter, but my
immediate thought was “45% Less Fat than what?! A stick of butter?”
Thankfully, they printed the answer below, in type that any person with
20/5 vision and/or a magnifying glass can read: “than other leading
chocolate bars.”

Interesting. I get a vision of these ad wizards, sitting in a room and
debating how sleazy they can be in their marketing.

Marketer A: “How about “Only Chuck Norris can kill you faster!” [Don’t
know what I’m talking about? See <a
href=”>Chuck Norris Facts</a>. Right now.

CEO: “You’re fired. No, seriously, I’m calling Security right now.”

Marketer A: [whimpers and leaves the room]

Marketer B: “How about “75% less fat”?”

CEO: “Hmm. I like it. 75% less fat than what?”

Marketer C: [looking longingly after Marketer A]”Let’s see. Lard? 2
gallons of whole milk? The cast of <em>The Biggest Loser</em>?”

CEO: “Warmer. Anyone else?”

Lawyer: “We’re safe poking fun at our competitors. How much fat’s in a

CEO: “Let’s see.” [digging in lunch box] “More than us! Somebody with
half a brain do the math and put it on the wrapper. Some sucker’s bound
to believe it.”

Okay, the aforementioned probably didn’t happen. But I feel sold.


One thought on “The Evil of Advertising”

  1. have you noticed the immense and sudden popularity of chuck norris and chuck norris jokes these days? i’d like to know what meeting took place to decide to start the grassroots campaign to make chuck norris a campy pop culture hero.

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